Review the law in Netherlands and Europe concerning social care and human rights
I am writing this petition basing on my dramatic story with very good intention to ask for making some very important, needed and necessary changes in the rules of the law in Netherlands to avoid similar harm to other cases like mine and to pretend appearing the new victims of the system like it happened to me and my children. There are many similar cases like mine, so I am not the one here.
Some steps are necessary and that’s why I decided to send my story as the example to induce some important discussion between people in government and institutions about human rights, especially concerning women, mothers, children and foreigners like me, who is from Poland as a member of European Union and some things that happened to me should not happened in the middle of western world like Netherlands.
I want to introduce some serious and important points, conclusions and suggestions to open different kind of discussions and to inspire open mind people to make positive changes to the world. My story is complex, long and hard and my case is individual, but it might happen to everybody, who could be found in similar circumstances and still it can happen.
In attachment of my petition there is my long letter to the family court, where my whole story is described in details and with full names and addresses. You also can find there the copy of the article of Ekke Overbeek in Trouw newspaper about my story and stories of the others. In this letter you can see the short cut of everything, what happened for your orientation plus conclusions and suggestions that is the goal of this issue. That’s why it is so important to send this petition as soon as is possible to Dutch and European parliament. After loss of my whole immediate family in Poland I came to Netherlands in 2010 with my whole property (39000 euros) to start new life.
I came to my new partner, whom I did not know well to live together, to make home and family and to create common music company (I am conservatory musician) and after two years in 2012 I lost everything – my two children (one year old twins), whole my property (my ex-partner extorted all money from me), dignity and health and I got on the street without any help from the government. Suddenly, being pregnant I got a victim of big, hidden emotional, mental and quasi – physical domestic violence and when I asked my neighbors and social worker for help – nobody gave it really.
I escaped from aggressive and manipulative psychopath, whom the father of my daughters got appeared and as a result of that the police brought my children to foster family and later they gave them back to the father without concluding that similar story happened with his ex-wife and his children. Luckily my acquaintance took me to her home and thanks to her I survived. Later I could see my daughters very seldom in the office of Jeugdzorg in very hard conditions with full control, monitoring and filming and my children were taken away from me in rates. I did not have any possibility to get them back and nobody helped me about any mediation between me and father.
I became threaten and humiliated by Dutch system of control of children care and my contact with my children got broken with no return. After three years of nonsense fight I decided to close the case and I have written important letter to my daughters about whole story and with my request for our contact. I gave that letter to some notary, so she will contact them, when they are adult and when nobody will not have any power over us and over our contact.
In attachment of this petition you will find the short cut of my story; my letter to family court, where my whole story is described in details with full names and addresses; copy of the article of Dutch journalist Ekke Overbeek from Trouw newspaper, where he gives my story as a the example and also stories of the others (important for everybody to get to know that – it can open your eyes).
As the result of my drama I am putting my conclusions, suggestions and postulates below to ask for some discussion in government to change something in the law and in the system in Netherlands and also maybe in other western European countries.
Details of my story you will find in attachment and it is good to view it, because it explains the reason of my postulates and it will provide you to make a decision and to understand the issue that can happen to every woman and child.
1) You should not leave any woman alone without help, when she is asking for it and you should not disconnect her from her very young children under any conditions, if she does not harm them. Reason of nationality and social situation should not take a place and she always should have social rights to be taken to safe place with her kids and she should get social and mental support to get new start.
2) Not always parental rights should be equal for men and women - this idea is not quite compatible to nature and biology. Women can’t survive in the same way like men being disconnected from children. It is the same for the kids, especially babies – they can’t survive in the same way being disconnected from mother like it could be from father.
3) You should not intervene into private life of family, if they don’t ask for that and if there is no physical violence or crime, because it can bring more bad than good things, especially when parents are in the beginning of parenthood and they need to learn some things by nature and self-experience. The best help here is finding some supports group, good individual therapy and good environment and solutions for improvement of financial situation and then parents can get out of crisis situation naturally. Any control, pressure, filming, evaluations, reports and observations can take whole self-esteem and power out from the parents and it can take whole dignity from them.
4) Make better training and education for social workers, because if they make mistakes, they can destroy somebody’s life. They should have bigger knowledge about the law and they should be trained to get this knowledge, if they miss something.
5) Make better care in hospitals for women, who are giving birth – not only social or psychiatric, but also psychological and mental. Women in extreme crisis life situations need good contact with psychologist and life adviser, who knows more about the rules and opportunities to get out of the crisis.
6) Rebuild the program of Cardea and Jeugdzorg by transfer from control, observation and giving parents the cue to the real support and listening about what help they really need, understanding their problems and looking for quick and practical solutions to improve life situation of the family. And first of all – concentrate on prevention. Its better to start special educational programs in schools, where there is more natural to teach and to train young people about psychology and creating happy relationships and families.
7) Treat people more individually and don’t put quite opposite kind of people to the same training group like it is in Cardea office. It can’t work for people from quite different social groups and mental levels. When I was with my children there, I was afraid of some people, whom I met and I was scared if something wrong could happen to my children.
8) Change the law concerning the signing the documents about finance, because if people, who signs something under pressure and threat have no chance to turn it back, then everybody can forced anybody to sign whatever. It should be some short period like a few days to turn it back. It is the chance for victims of violence to get out of trouble and it can prevent people from similar abuses in the future.
9) Give a mediator to the parents even if one of them doesn’t want it. It is for the best goodness of children and it can rescue for one of the parents, who is weaker and abused by another and in consequence it can save the family.
10) Make softer law about the rights of foster parents. If children come back to their real family, but they still want to see their foster parents – let them for that, because separation against their will can be very harmful and more harmful then conflict between some parent and foster family.
11) Stop Jeugdzorg from “scientific” , cold and logical evaluations and reports and if it is not possible, at least don’t let them send it to the parents, because it can be very harmful and it does not bring anything good, only fear, humiliation and taking whole power away from the parents. They are humans, who make mistakes like everybody and you don’t have right to decide, which way of care and raising children is best. This kind of actions only make people confused and more broken.
12) Make trials in family courts faster, if there is urgent situation – in case of very young children every month is like one year for adults.
13) Treat people more individually – if you know that they have neurological problems or physical illnesses, don’t treat them like mentally sick or mentally disabled, but give them professional health support assistant and consultant. And in these kind of cases any control and pressure only can damage everything and there is no space for help.
14) Children are not a property of any country, even if they are born there. It means that in some individual cases mothers should have right to leave the stranger country with their children to have a chance to come back to original country and to create normal home and life for each other, if it is not really good or possible in the country, where children were born and even if father does not agree for that. By nature children should have the first opportunity to stay with mother.
15) Judges and clerks should look more carefully at the parents, who make the same hard and dramatic actions with their partners like they did it in the past with previous ones – it shows that there can be something wrong with them and not with their partners. And when you can see it like that , you can make more objective and responsible decisions about children.
16) Train in new way workers of the police, social care and children care to observe, research and to react about such cases like mine, when woman is crying, going to panic and screaming and she asks for help and man is calm and sensible and he says that she is ill, aggressive and dangerous – many times it is the scheme of relation between sociopathic man and his victim. You can read more about it in the article in the link as the attachment of this letter below:
The Psychopath: The Mask of Sanity - Cassiopaea.com
And here there is a link to my google account, where you can find the scans of the documents – short cut of the story, letter from my lawyer and my letter about whole story in details to the family court plus the article of Ekke Overbeek in Trouw Newspaper and photos of my daughers.And please, forgive me my mistakes in English, especially in the letter to the court - it was much too hard for me to write such long and traumatic story.
(short cut of the story)
(letter of my lawyer in Dutch and big letter to the court in English)
(English translation of the article of Ekke Overbeek in Trouw newspaper)
(Polish translation of the article of Ekke Overbeek in Trouw newspaper)
So – it is it. When you read letter and article from the attachment, you should understand my emotional attitude and I hope that in some time you can see some matters from new perspective and point of view to change something and to save a lot of mothers and children from big suffer. I would like to give you some inspiration by my story and you can find by yourself, how the reality looks and what should be changed really.
The Review the law in Netherlands and Europe concerning social care and human rights petition to Dutch Parliament and European parliament was written by Lemuria Rainbow and is in the category Law & Order at GoPetition.