Allow kangaroos to compete as international athletes

We believe the sporting world should recognize the athletic prowess of kangaroos and allow them to represent their home nations in international competition. In support of our position, we offer the following:

FACT: Kangaroos are terrific leapers. They will almost assuredly become record-holding competitors in Long Jump, Triple Jump, High Jump, 110m High Hurdles and Trampoline almost immediately.

FACT: Kangaroos can Box.

FACT: Provided they can be taught the notion of team play, kangaroos will fill vital roles in Basketball, Volleyball and possibly even Water Polo.

FACT: Seeing a kangaroo dunk on some overpaid American basketball player would be awesome.

FACT: Nobody knows if kangaroos can Pole Vault because they’ve never been given the chance. They may not even need a pole.

FACT: Kangaroos will probably like Badminton because it involves a lot of jumping. They could also carry juice and snacks in their pouches during the Marathon, and may even have a future in Rowing.

The time has come to stop suppressing the talents of these naturally gifted athletes. Critics will point out that Australia has an inordinate number of kangaroos when compared to the rest of the world, which could constitute an unfair advantage.

But everyone knows Australians are pretty much the best athletes in the world anyway, so we say LET THE KANGAROOS PLAY!