MILITARY CUSTODY REFORM

Not just junior enlisted but officers to and they are willing to give up their careers just so they can be with their children. I worked for senior non-commissioned officer who paid 20 years of child support and was refused to see his son until he was of age. He is a Special Forces Soldier due to retire in a year. There was numerous times our office has had parties for him when he thought he was on a visit cause he was so happy and when he got to Colorado she refused to let him see his son. His son only knows what his mother told him. Now after 20 years he is meeting his son for the first time in his life and that was because she could not stop them. She has a master's degree now working for Social Service.

How do we teach our children to not make the same mistake and understand that childhood for both parents should be shared and put the soldier in a much better standing then he or she was yesterday. We know because we have visited other countries where children are used for far worst. They are allowed not to go to a foreign country for one year and return home for much longer. Put a little more emphasis on the custodial parent to do more in making sure the soldier gets to see their children. I am almost certain if they pay to see their children and know that it will be enforced, they can defend this country far better in knowing the thing that matter to them most will be there when they return. The state agencies are filled with workers of the custodial parent and are often influenced by their own personal gain. I watched as I grew up how women who work in family courts and social services was too busy upholding the law instead of effectively looking out for the child's welfare. Often women dated the men who were at home and just put a female soldier's case under the rug, she married him and had his son, divorced him and she got her payments the soldier never got hers.

In some cases the geneology of some states are related or close net because they live and work in one town that spends a great deal of time togheter at the same church, schools and other organizations. And believe me some of them don't even like each othe but when it comes to money and a soldier's money they will unite and I have seen it. Who can fight against that? Now we have immigrants working on it too. A female soldier met a Columbian who must of thought she was stupid trying to get her to pay him to spend time with her. The first thing came out of his mouth when she wanted to help him was I am a poor man. That was after she told him she was a soldier at first it was what can I do for you.

Yes there are other good cases but I assure you far many bad ones that never reached the surface because soldiers do not know how to fight the system and the few that tried - spend a lot of money and even went to the supreme court and still lost. Most of them talk about how the courts discrimate against them because they are soldiers. They are becoming increasingly afraid because state funding has been slashed and jobs have been lost and the scams against soldiers have increased.

I'd like to know if any of the states ever do studies on military personnel losing custody of their children or revisit or reopen military cases and start looking over them again realizing they may have made a mistake. I mean do a study and a number of cases and look deeper into complaints that have been brought forward over the years and see how many of them were truly acted upon.

Now we have women and men from other cultures joining in the scam too and taking the money back to their homeland because the airmen refuses to pick the tab up for the mother, father, aunts and family members. He divorced her but she was given custody because she was the mother and the judge stated that because he was military and her testimony was that he was never there for the children. I used to take her children to the mall and wait for them after school and let them in because she was not at home, we had swing shifts and he would ask me to and he would do the same for me. That did not matter. He loved her but he could not afford to take care of her entire family. She was from the middle east the culture is that when the first person gets married they are responsible for taking care of the family. He was unaware until after she brought them home to stay with him at Bolling AF, in Washington DC.

I have seen this for over 27 years of service. I spend an entire year going to the court room and witnessing the verdict - military pays get visitation rights but the custodial parent because they were not military and willing to go through the state to collect the payments refused them their rights. They are constantly going back and forth to court. They fight but because they are subject to deployment, how long can they fight pay support and still maintain this type of job. Too often they win battles on foriegn soil and get defeated on their own. I have repeatedly seen the states discriminate military personnel and told them so during the hearing -especially at Fort Bragg, Fort Gordon, and Fort Jackson.

We are not allowed to protest or act unbecoming of the law or we are subject to dire consequences, yes we do have some who are ill behaved. I would visit clubs and parks and talk to soldiers to make sure they know what they are doing before they get married, shack up and date. I have personally witnessed men and women planning schemes on military personnel.

There have been many SGM who would go to gentleman's club to watch over their soldiers. For most soldiers when they get their first few paychecks their thoughts are to get married raise a family, go to college and make something of themselves. Not just men women too. Many of officers had to stop several soldiers from dating because we would watch how women would help their daugthers in the bathroom planned to get pregnant and on one occasion how a female soldier married a male who impregnated another women, married the soldier and then moved out and went to court to ask for spousal support, fortunately in that case he reacted to soon - the marriage was annuled. I even watched a women in the club tell a young lady (probably a madame) to get pregnant for a married soldier so she could collect the money - and of course break up his home. His wife had already had several affairs and unfortuately he has to get a legal separation before he can get a divorce, and she would have to agree to the separation, or is forced to pay legal bills to force her too. In the meantime.... despite her proven infidelity she got custody of the children. He got the legal fees, child support and spousal support payments for two years. She had every opportunity work and did not. She had a degree. His senior members advised him about the scam and he walked away.

Sometimes when a soldier comes into court and states the women or man said that they could not have children... this was a true statement. I was there when they met and he told me too, and the only way the male soldier proved it is because he had surgery before he even dated the girl. I watched the judge ignore the female soldier's complaint. The female soldier lost custody of her child because she was a Drill Sergeant....Fort Jackson.

The problem is the same as it was in the 1960s, when it comes to women. In some courts a women does not stand a chance there are still men and women of the judicial system who are affiliated with organizations that still have not changed their feelings about weaker women and women in the military, despite then going to countries freeing women who are being treated poorly.

There are still men who are still paying ten dollars a week or less to women in the military because they make more, but when the shoe is on the other foot there are still some states who don't balance the budge evenly and how do the soldier know, they cannot get the other parents disability rating and other privacy information but they can demand medical, dental and ID cards, base shopping privileges and whatever else they can get their hands on and we have to give it to them because our service will not tolerate us not providing those services. Is there studies being done on the other parents that are not soldiers to ensure that they are doing what they suppose too. Social Service can monitor the soldier's pay, heck all they have to do is use the internet, but how far do they look into the custodial parents finances?

I had another soldier that has the case opened in South Carolina and she constantly filed for child support and the father is working under the table and is a manger of a restaurant, but it is not in his name legally. He went to jail, got out and he is raising another women's son and calls the soldier up and directs her on how she should raise his children. He has not willingly contribute any financial or fatherly support for his children. He has a suspended license. He calls her to ask her twice to waive a large portion of what he owes and she did once because she wanted him to father his sons and hoped that in doing so that he could have a relationship without having money being a factor in hindering him to be a good father. He never even called her after she did that. She never did it again but she has called the state of South Carolina repeatedly and updates them on his status. No one picks him up, they just take his income tax and now he is so used to not missing his income tax it is now the norm.

I watched a long case at Fort Bragg, the mother was upset because after eight years the male soldier tried to take his son after several attempts to see his son. She admitted that she refused him to see his son because she stated that he had to take some time to get to know the child. No kidding after eight years of refusals. He would call and he would not let him talk to his son. Nothing matter the judge only saw that the man attempted to take his son. The same visitation was to stay in place but no retribution to the father. He paid child support since day one and had not even had the opportunity to see his son one on one. I wondered why alienation did not become a factor in his case. She was doing it on purpose and she I could tell she had practiced the same lines over and over. All he wanted was to help raise his son, that was all he had. She had other children and a husband. The soldier's wages is garnished because they can do it - he voluntarily did it and she refused and then right after she stopped it from being garnished she came back and had him go to child support services and had them garnish it - a form of power over the soldier. I say if the soldier is refused the right to see their child then the soldier's pay should be ungarnished, no rears should be rewarded until the custodial parent reacts in accordance with the judgement.

Now its a hustle, a guaranteed income for 18-21 years, the cost has risen from 250.00 in most states to 350.00 per child, they go to school maintain a small job because they know they cannot make more then the soldier and because the military will abide by the law and force the soldier to do the right thing, but I cannot begin to tell you how many single parents had to go home from West Germany in 1991-2002 to get their children for summer vacation and only to be disappointed. They file for visitation rights over and over again but when that window opens for their visitation, they can't just postpone and schedule another day, it is not that simple. Soldiers are becoming assets for all types of scams now.

I assure you it does not help this soldier's case when her own supervisor paid over $50,000.00 in court fees and still lost her child by doing the right thing. Maybe the legal system can open a blog for soldiers to tell their stories and provide evidence and maybe have some of these cases overturned and allow them to show the system that they can be a soldier and a parent too. Like they did with welfare, a reform program and tell the other parents they need to do more than they are and have then provide all of their financial statements annually. Maybe even allow them to switch roles for a length of time and have them both feel what it is like to have to pay child support and schedule visitation. Not just tell they they should make them do it.