Sound Effects Please Facebook!

The Like Button...

A gentle round of applause for the lucky recipient.

Wouldn't it be charming if it had it's own sound effect. (just a pleasant smattering of a commendation)

So come on Facebook, stop slurping your slopjopuccinos for a second on Billionaire-Campus and give us some sound effects.

It's getting boring just sniffing around each others perfumed bottoms with no audio stimulation. Couldn't we be able to left-click our tagged up noses with a convivial honk-honk here and there?

Or perhaps a delightful tickly sound as we wrist-waggle the cursor over our well-documented by now armpits areas. (or our Truman Show Children's little pitlets, who i'm sure would love a little tickle)

I don't care if you sell all my data to the New-World-Order* (probably just a quick shuffle of the accounts)

Just give us some sound effects!

Can't you see we're dying here?

Each time a feint old aquantance informs us they 'nearly missed the train, phew!' what the hell can you do with that without a deflating whoopy-cushion effect reception?

Come on Facebook!

We know you've got loads of funny sound effects hidden in the 'Funny Sound Effects - Do Not Open' cupboard at your bottomless money-pit-be-a-happy-camper-or-you-can't-work-here circus.

Come on, what are we supposed to do, just hang about snooping around forever without the meerest hint of a penny whistle?

We're waiting...

So that is why this petition has been flung aloft and if more than 10 million people sign perhaps your own face (does Facebook have a face? that would be a bit of a let-down) could raise a single-sided eyebrow (with a slight parp sound effect if your face happens to be French) (is parp a French word?).

If entertaining sound effects would brighten up your weary office hours.. (with earphones of course) please sign this petition, and get your friends to sign it, and get them to get there friends to sign it (and so on until it goes round the whole globe and back to you, like a huge virtual Mexican Petition Wave. (perhaps dropping off a little over the Pacific))

* For those of you not in the know the about the particularly black-hole-ish topic of the New-World-Order best to leave that one alone. Unless you enjoy pouring over black-backgrounded websites with green writing night and day then revel in showing off as you tell people about how the world really works sounding like a dick, like if you mention Climate Change, or some tired old subject such as that. (the NWO conspiracies are probably not far off, but it's all blazingly obvious anyway just as you trudge out of your impossible-to-pay-back morgaged house to go to work (forever) to make a load of shit (or speak a load of shit, or just whatever method of shit production your particular job entails) that ends up in a gigantic steaming pile of fart-juice-shit (after a dustbin lorries journey retrieving our frequent casual butter-wouldn't-melt-in-our-mouths bin (or skip) discardations) just a few weeks later, and only so a few rather stingy gents gross a bit of a surplus to put a roomy conservatory extension on their already ample sized 6th holiday homes in Cornwall (Yes Cornwall is NOT safe from the New-World-Order... take note all you surfers, if your not too busy surfing, which you probably are, lucky you, there's work to be done! skivers)). While we all end up crawling round the woods sniffing out old biscuit crumbs for survival (as the NWO have swooped in on all of our houses (our only forms of shelter) to keep their spare knick-knacks (though a nice forest scene might make a pleasing status update snap, and could receive a gratifying applause if Facebook don't shirk out of this one)) that may have fallen from some happy old Rambler's from-the-Good-Old-Days (already fast moving on i'm afraid any one under 55) blissfully unware crunching mouth. The 'New World Order' (just anyone who is in anyway related (ie the bank/government/pesky multi-nationals/Bank-Multinational-Government (of which ever shabby old party, and the simply 'The Big The' for short)) that has you over a barrel with a million-pound morgage (or there abouts) for a shabby pile of balancing breezeblocks, forcing you to work, rather than taking the day off to go and throw eggs at the New-World-Order. (Wherever their house is, it's probably in Bath. They get all the best places).

But anyway, we need some zany sounds effects, and fast. Sign the Petition.