- Target:
- President Barack Obama
- Region:
- United States of America
The United States of America is full of immigrants without skills and drive. Many of those with the ability to contribute to the betterment of American society are denied permanent residency status though it is clear the United States would benefit from their presence. Christie St Martin is one of those people.
Christie is smart, funny, quick-witted, educated (if Women's Studies counts), loves football (real football, not soccer) exceptionally qualified to rule the internet, says "About" nearly like an American (probably from her exposure to Arkansas), can find Canada on a map, and above all, smoking hot.
She would make America a better place to be. Unfortunately for Ms. St Martin, she was born Canadian. She might also be Bermudan, but nobody in the US really knows what that means exactly, so I’ll focus on her Canadianess. Due to the repressive nature of Canada, Christie faces great political pressure to conform, and is unable to express her political views without being forced to eat poutine, learn elementary french, and frequent Tim Hortons. Six months out of the year, a passport is required to go anywhere warm. She is also expected to be far too polite compared to those in the rest of the non-Canadian world.
All she wants is to leave Canada and go to America, where they don't consider Curling a sport.
We, the people of the United States, request that Christie St Martin be granted permanent residency status in the United States of America, specifically Seattle, Washington.
Her addition to the Seattle area would benefit the area greatly. We believe her addition would lead to increased wine and craft beer consumption, contributing greatly to the Washington economy. Her belief that Seattle is actually a temperate climate (she's coming from Toronto, for God's sake) might make us feel better about the dreary winter days. Her rabid love of the Seahawks also makes her presence anywhere other than Seattle absolutely ridiculous.
We understand that by signing this statement, we would expect Christie to do the following if allowed to enter the US: To forever forgo the metric system, to mean US dollars when she uses the word "dollars", and to become more politically polarized.
As a Seattle resident, she will be required to use the word "sustainability" at least five times a day and to learn how to drive like she's under mild to heavy sedation.
With this petition, we hope that Christie St Martin will soon be able to immigrate to the United States. She will then be able to begin the difficult task of adjusting to American culture and, with luck, should be able to assimilate within ten to twenty years.
So say we all.
You can further help this campaign by sponsoring it
The Permanent Residency Status for Christie St Martin petition to President Barack Obama was written by Doug Smith and is in the category Human Rights at GoPetition.